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Parent Letter: School Sexual Education Curriculum Promotes Transgender Confusion

Matthew Schoenherr
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Parent Letter: School Sexual Education Curriculum Promotes Transgender Confusion

First, let me begin by reaffirming there is much to praise in our school’s reproductive health curriculum. Greater understanding around biological changes, anatomy, pregnancy, STDs, bullying, peer pressure and drawing healthy boundaries are all topics I believe our children should be armed with. I take no issue with these topics and am pleased they constitute a majority of the curriculum.

I also want to recognize the delicate nature of the work our teachers and school leaders are engaged in around this effort. The tentative balance between parental sensibilities and delivering this potentially controversial content can’t be easy.

Yes, I know state law says parents can simply opt their children out of a portion or the entire curriculum. While this practice may selectively shelter one child here and there, I’m not convinced this is the best option, since it still leaves the rest of their friends and peers exposed.

Thus, this larger conversation.

As a parent who was slow to investigate the reproductive health curriculum, I can testify to the high probability that many (most?) parents haven’t gone through the material. This was certainly the case with another parent I recently spoke with. They had digested the summaries mailed out last Friday and felt they had a good handle on what was being taught. When I asked if they had actually logged into the school website and reviewed the full content, they admitted they hadn’t.

Summaries, by their nature, do not give the full picture.

However, while I commend the reproductive health panel for their communication attempts, this note is not about how they can improve curriculum transparency or better engage busy parents.

I opened this discussion referencing a concern around Advocacy for Youth. To be more specific, I am concerned that the Advocacy for Youth curriculum seems to evangelize gender dysphoria.

Dealing Honestly with Gender Dysphoria

For example, in the 7th grade module called “I Am Who I Am” from 3rs.org, the problem can be distilled into what is basically a “feelings are reality” belief system. Here is an excerpt from a “Myth vs. Fact” quiz our students will take. The answer key under each question tells us what Advocacy for Youth would have our teachers say:

Q1. People can choose their sexual orientation.

A: Myth or Fact? Myth. Sexual orientation has to do with the gender(s) of the people we’re attracted to, physically and romantically. We don’t choose our feelings just like we don’t choose who we find attractive. What we CAN choose is whether to act on those feelings, as well as what we call ourselves based on those feelings (our identity).

Q2: People can choose their gender identity.

A: Myth or Fact? Myth. Just like sexual orientation, a person doesn’t choose to feel male, female or a combination of both. What we CAN choose is what we call ourselves, even if it doesn’t match our physical body (male, female, transgender, etc.).

In both of these questions, the student is told,

  1. their feelings just happen to them and
  2. their feelings drive their identity.

This is dangerous ground. If our identity is driven by our feelings, the following examples become all too real:

  • Those suffering from low self-esteem become right; they really have low or no value.
  • Those with overblown self-esteem also become right; they really are better than everyone else.

Feelings are fickle. Our world offers plenty of examples where people felt certain about something, only to later find their feelings changed or were just flat wrong. High divorce rates, a myriad of scams played upon the hopeful masses and “friendly fire” on the battlefield all pay testimony to this.

Please don’t get me wrong. Feeling like an alien in your own body must be awful. But do we normalize and even promote it? If I had a son who thought he was Napoleon, would the loving response be to bend reality to meet his illusion? Or is it more loving to get him counseling?

We are called to love and support people wrestling with dysphoria; not better establish the dysphoria. This goes for all dysphoria, regardless of whether it’s the age, race, gender or even species variety. (Yes, species dysphoria exists too, apparently.)

I believe dysphoria sufferers need compassion, not co-signing.

Mental Health Screening & Suicide Prevention

Besides removing dysphoria-norming content from the curriculum, I would also recommend the school district advance their mental health screening protocol.

According to a 2014 study on suicide attempts among transgender and gender non-conforming adults, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention partnered with UCLA’s Williams Institute to conclude:

“The prevalence of suicide attempts among respondents […] is 41 percent, which vastly exceeds the 4.6 percent of the overall U.S. population who report a lifetime suicide attempt, and is also higher than the 10-20 percent of lesbian, gay and bisexual adults who report ever attempting suicide.” (Haas, p.2.)

(For context, the current suicidality rate for Jews under Nazi rule during WWII is thought to be as high as 25 percent.) Way beyond simple lack of societal acceptance, this points to a high comorbidity rate, where suicide attempts result not just from dysphoria but other mental or emotional conditions like depression, anxiety, etc.

Maybe regular mental health screening is already in place in the school district. If it is, I’m simply not aware of it. I do know there is a handful of insightful, caring counselors sprinkled among the schools and we’ve been thankful for their interaction with our kids more than once. I also know there are tools available to help with conducting screenings like this. MindWise.org offers one. I’m sure there are others.

I hope I’ve been able to clearly and respectfully explain my heart on this issue.

In closing, I pray I haven’t left anyone offended. If so, please know that was not my intent. There is certainly enough ideological vitriol in the world these days and it is not my goal to fuel more. When I investigated the Advocacy for Youth curriculum and websites, I found helpful gems mixed in with harmful error.

As I mentioned in a previous note, I know we all care about these kids and want to support, protect and equip them. I appreciate the earnest dialogue so far and hope it can continue.

Matthew

UPDATE 02/07/2020

Below are some additional notes that were compiled in the preparation for this discussion. I hope they can be helpful in framing the conversation around this sensitive topic.

Disagreement ≠ Disrespect

These days, there seems to be a growing leap to the cry of “Violence!” when disagreement occurs, especially around the transgender debate. No matter how honorably delivered, vocal dissent is often met with fallacious claims that the offended has been violently victimized. The assertion: disagreeing with the subjective reality of transgenderism invalidates the transgender person’s humanity.

Compassion around this issue means understanding we’re talking about someone’s perceived identity, regardless of genetic realities, social constructs or personal relativism.

To be crystal clear, it is only the transgender decision and the illusion it forces upon society being debated. The person suffering from gender dysphoria still exists and is still worthy of love and respect.

Respectful disagreement is not hate; it is simply disagreement.

Lie: Binary Can’t Hold a Position on Transgender

Another way disagreement around gender dysphoria is silenced is through the claim that non-transgender people have no right to voice opinions or even join the conversation. If we follow this logic to its broken conclusion, this is like saying someone who has never been depressed before cannot become a therapist.

That’s the great thing about truth. Regardless of your political affiliations, sex, religion, whatever, anyone can earnestly investigate any issue and have a voice.

Feelings Don’t Dictate Reality

Fortunately for us, feelings—while they may feel very real—don’t dictate reality. As I alluded to in my letter to the school, our feelings don’t just happen to us and they are not to be considered drivers of our identity. Yet, our “be true to you” world would have us place our feelings on a pedestal where they can fuel a weird, cultish form of identity-idolatry. Of course, once we worship our feelings and emotions, we will be subdued by them, which only serves to amplify them all the more.

The Concept of Gender Fluidity is a Recent Invention

Gender is not disconnected from sex. Gender is not in the mind. A boy who thinks he’s a girl is not actually a girl. He can pretend to be a girl, but since he’s never actually been a girl, how can he ever know what it is like to truly feel like a girl? He can’t.

Physical Differences Between Men and Women are Real

When a man complains of lower abdominal pain, the diagnosis may be indigestion. When a woman complains of lower abdominal pain, the problem may be completely different. According to the Weizmann Institute of Science, there are over 6,500 binary (as in, distinctly male and distinctly female) gene expressions across 53 tissues in the human body. Taking drugs to block hormones and undergoing surgery to remove body parts does nothing to change one’s biological binary sex, no more than a 21-year old can factually claim to be a senior citizen or a person with blue eyes can rightly claim to have brown eyes.

Modifying your basic biology just to ease your subjective sense of who you are in the moment can lead to disastrous consequences.

What About Intersex?

Intersex is a term that describes rare genetic mutations where both sets of genitalia (binary, male and female) are present in a newborn. In most cases, one sex is considerably more developed than the other and the secondary sexual organs are removed with surgery.

This is not a mental health issue.

Gender Dysphoria is Mental Illness

I once heard a psychotherapist describe the frustration from his LGB clients around the transgender issue. In his account, he had several LGB clients who voiced dismay about the T being lumped in with the gay rights movement. His LGB clients felt the transgender condition was mental illness.

As previously stated, it is not denying someone’s humanity to refuse to pretend men are women and women are men. It is simply saying you are not the sex you claim to be. Upholding a person’s illusion and refusing to address underlying emotional trauma or mental illness is not love; it’s turning a blind eye to broken identity.

Suicide and Transgender Comorbidity

In a 2014 study on suicide attempts among transgender and gender non-conforming adults, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention partnered with UCLA’s Williams Institute to conclude:

“The prevalence of suicide attempts among respondents […] is 41 percent, which vastly exceeds the 4.6 percent of the overall U.S. population who report a lifetime suicide attempt, and is also higher than the 10-20 percent of lesbian, gay and bisexual adults who report ever attempting suicide.” (Haas, p.2.)

Additionally, “lifetime suicide attempts were found to be lowest (36%) among respondents who said people can ‘never’ tell they are transgender or gender non-conforming. Suicide attempts were reported by higher percentages of those who said people can ‘always’ (42%) or ‘most of the time’ (45%) tell they are transgender or gender non-conforming.” (Haas, p.8.)

In comparison, the UK-based Centre for Suicide Prevention places the suicide rate for Jews living under Nazi German rule to be around 25%; considerably higher than previously recorded by history, yet considerably lower than the attempted suicide rate in today’s transgender community.

When held up against the overall U.S. population’s rate at 4.6 percent, we should see the argument that society’s rejection of transgenders leads them to suicide is largely a myth. In fact, these numbers make a strong case for high comorbidity rates between gender dysphoria and other mental disorders, such as depression, anxiety and hopelessness.

In short, we should be addressing gender dysphoria as a mental health issue; not a social justice issue.

To the Girl in the Corner…

Guest Contributor
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To the Girl in the Corner…

Dear younger me—yeah, you—the girl in the corner with a heavy heart from striving for too long:

Who are you? And yes, I truly am inquiring this of you because it is imperative this be established before venturing onward.

Who are you?

Where is your identity found?

I can tell you where my identity used to be found:

  • Missionary
  • Soccer captain
  • All-State defender
  • 4.0 GPA student
  • Leader of the pack
  • Planner
  • Baker
  • Artist
  • Writer
  • Photographer

And there are those flashes of snapchats in my memory: frustrations at my soccer coach; too much stress over too much studying; fabricated smiles and fake laughs; midnight journaling with wet cheeks; overwhelming loneliness as friends faded out of my life.

Can you relate?

Ever wonder if there was more?

I am certainly not a philosopher (some days I barely recall why I entered a room). But, I can share a bit of what God has taught me through my struggles of the past few years as a letter I wished my younger self would have received. Maybe I would have listened; or, maybe not. My prayer is that it helps another girl who feels the way I felt, and who struggles the way I struggled.

Dear Hannah,

You don’t know me, but I know you. I know you really well. Too well. But, for now, you’ll have to accept me just as a thought experiment. You are going through stuff. I know. Because I have been there. And coming out of it, I wanted to share with you a road map of sorts that will help the tough times be a bit less weary, a bit less hurtful, and with a few less tears.

Tip #1: Your identity is fastened to only one label: CHRIST.

You play soccer, but that does not define you.

You make good grades, but that does not define you.

You travel on mission trips, but that does not define you.

You help people, but that does not define you.

The essence is this: Your worth is found solely in your Creator.

Tip #2: You will sometimes make mistakes (and that’s okay!)

You will sometimes drive with the emergency brake on.

You will sometimes forget your phone in someone’s car.

You will sometimes inconvenience people.

You will sometimes hurt the people you love.

You will sometimes say something when you should have held your tongue.

You will sometimes remain silent when words are necessary.

And sometimes these blunders will be made repeatedly. (Aren’t you glad you’re not expected to be perfect?)

Tip #3: Stop running from grace.

No, seriously. Your shame thrived by distancing itself from its nemesis, grace. You have to fight the shame. It is what you were drowning in for so many years. Those eyes, averting the eyes of others, those hands, tense in fear of what may result in sharing, and those feet, fidgeting intensely to distract the mind from hearing the love pouring forth from others—this is an oppression that, ultimately, only you can fight. Give in to the oppression and you succumb to the shame, further burying yourself in, well—YOU.

When you stopped running from grace and instead looked her in the eye, your self-sufficiency began to shed as you began to recognize that it is CHRIST who covers your failures.

Fight the oppression.

Bring out the scripture.

Call on the prayers of your people army.

Ask for hugs.

That is your battle plan. Shame, where is your victory? Grace wins.

Tip #4: People love you more than you could ever imagine.

It may not look exactly how you would prefer, but you can’t listen to the enemy spew his lies about you being unlovable. The pivotal idea you must embrace: people love differently.

Mom loves by sending encouraging texts.

One friend loves by writing to you.

Another friend loves by staying up late to listen….

This list is not exhaustive.

Tip #5: God gave you tear ducts for a reason. Use them.

It. Is. Okay. To. Cry. In. Front. Of. Others.

In allowing yourself to cry outside of the solitude of your room, God has broken through the lie that crying reveals weakness. Instead, you can discover a sweet, intimate healing in receiving comfort when distress pours down your face.

Tip #6: Find joy in the simple things.

(And no, I didn’t hijack that from Pinterest.)

Feeling the breeze blow through your hair, take a moment to thank God for that.

Hearing an eight-year old’s giggle, join in the giggling.

Seeing the sunrise on an early morning bike ride, allow your eyes to appreciate God’s art.

His peace—not your anxieties—must dictate your day.

Tip #7: Vulnerability is great.

Hard.

Messy.

Necessary.

Authenticity breeds authenticity. You’ve said you want real relationships, right? Then you have to start with being real yourself. People don’t want the plastic version of you. Thus, it is necessary that you ask for hugs, cry on your friend’s shoulder, and share your fears of the future.

Tip #8: You’re a human being; not a human doing.

Be still and know He is God. Right now this may require eradicating your color-coded calendar for a period of time and not controlling your schedule with such a tight reign.

P.S.

Again, I would like to point out I am not Wonder Woman, nor am I declaring to be the answer-bearer, problem-fixer. That’s Jesus’ job and His solely.

I’m just one who’s been there: striving for perfectionism, missing the mark, and subsequently drowning in shame. And I’m sharing a few anchors that Jesus threw out to me.

To the girl in the corner with a heavy heart from striving for too long:

Live free.

An artist, writer, photographer, and student of all things healthy, Analisa Holland is a nineteen-year-old who is most content when found creating something new in the outdoors. The only label she sees as important, however, is being Daughter of the King. Her ultimate heart-cry is to further understand God’s grace, how to live in it and how to give it to others.

Battle Ready Faith

Jason Moore
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Battle Ready Faith

The Marvel movies have made millions at the box office. We love superheroes and secretly wish we had their abilities! We all love to prevail against all odds! Our warfare as Christians is against an invisible enemy. We see the effect of evil every day and it seems to be getting stronger and stronger. Thankfully, our enemy’s days are numbered.

The apostle Paul’s admonition to young Timothy was to “fight the good fight of faith” in 1 Timothy 6:12. Paul didn’t want Timothy to get entangled with the wrong battle (2 Timothy 2:4). It is easy to have a multi-front war and get overwhelmed by fighting in a place where God never intended you to be and become a casualty.

In the divine reality, we are called to fight one battle; that of faith. It may seem like we should be fighting the war on drugs, crime, evil, sin, temptation, etc, but these are all symptoms of something deeper. We prevail these other fronts by fighting the good fight of faith.

The good fight of faith is when we live having full confidence in the nature and character of who God is and we are trusting in him, embracing him, confessing and believing in TRUTH (Hebrews 11:13).

Our priorities and decisions will represent what we value. “In him, we live move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). Our attitude, confession, and motivation are offensive in the understanding of faith. Too often, people know what we are against in life but what we believe is often hidden.

Ultimately, the battle is the Lord’s (Exodus 14:14). That doesn’t mean we are on the couch, eating Doritos, doing nothing passing the battle off to someone else! NO! We are moved by the Spirit with passion, but our motivation and purpose are different. It is not to change people’s behaviors, but rather to lift up Christ where we are now and watch as the ripple effect of Jesus destroys the works of the devil (1 John 3:8).

My Battle or His?

Often, we can get tired and overwhelmed at life’s difficulties. This is a good indicator that we are fighting our own battles in our own strength. “Suiting up” is key for the warrior. We put on the armor and our heart is prepared to see what God will do in our midst. The devil’s tactics of intimidation and fear can make our souls very restless. As we focus and fellowship with Jesus’ truth, it quiets our soul in because when we are weak He is strong! (Mathew 4:4, Zephaniah 3:17)

In many circles of recovery, we may hear the confession and analysis of our sin. Constantly focusing on and dissecting the reasons for sin can easily transfer an identity: “My sin is who I am. I am born this way!”

Wrong! All behavior is learned through a mindset. In this confession, we have exchanged the truth about God, and traded what He says about us for a lie (Romans 1:25). We don’t deny we have done wrong, but it is not the whole truth (Romans 7:20).

In Galatians 5:16, the apostle Paul pleads with the Galatians to, “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” Paul knew he was no match for his sin; not even to manage it! His instruction was to walk and be active in the anointing of the Spirit so there would be no time to cleave to the dust (Psalms 119:25).

Being filled with the righteousness of God allowed less time to fellowship with unrighteousness. Many want to do sensational works for God but walking in the Spirit is very powerful:

  • Realizing you are God’s ambassador wherever you are.
  • Acting in the authority of Jesus within you.
  • Understanding there is no difference between the secular and the sacred as our attitude glorifies God.
  • Sharing the heart of Christ. Kindness can be as powerful as a hammer; just with much different results.

What Spirit Controls You?

The devil wants to “bait and switch” us to get us involved where we are not supposed to be. We may see something or hear something and get self-righteous and be motivated to fix things that are not right. Yes, there is a time for confrontation, but our spirit must be right or this can be a recipe for disaster and we may become a casualty of the angelic conflict.

Galatians 6:1 says to check our spirit before we even wage any warfare. Is gentleness, and meekness actively pursuing the cause or the person? Love is patient, even in the face of unrighteousness. Will I give time for God to act or must I play God in someone’s life? Yes, we are angry at sin. Yes, we all want to know Jesus and to expose the lies, but fighting the fight of faith is how we do this.

Faith:

  • Lifts Jesus up and scatters His enemies.
  • Replaces disobedience with obedience.
  • Strengthens truth and brings our attention to it.

Often, as people get to know the heart of God, it draws them in and they acquire an appetite for it. Wrong concepts that distort or misrepresent God are countered with actions that reveal the true nature of God.

Faith in Action

Our role may seem passive at times, but it is not. It is keeping us in our place and giving Christ the first place. People are watching your life before they listen to your words.

Here are a few ways to keep demonstrate faith:

  • Hide in the shadow if the almighty
  • Speak the same things as truth
  • Live by the truth
  • Walk in the spirit
  • Pray always

Per 2 Corinthians 10:4-6, the weaponry God has given us is not carnal nor earthy but supernatural and mighty for pulling down invisible strongholds that manifest themselves in a real tangible way every day.

The devil has an advantage if we wage warfare our own way. It is easy to be riled up with what we think should happen or crusading based on injustice. The heat of the battle can wear out the saints in Daniel 7:25. Our faith in who Jesus is and His plan causes us to operate in Jesus’ faith! Abiding in His perfect faith will move our mountains. The devil will prevail every time unless we do it God’s way.

Spiritual Warfare

In 1 Corinthians 9:26, the apostle Paul didn’t want to fight as someone that was guessing or “beating the air aimlessly chasing shadows”. He wanted wisdom with strategic strikes. In Ephesians 6:10-18, we see our armor and weaponry is highly effective in destroying the devil’s tactics.

  • Belt of truth. We are grounded in truth. We have a grace identity rather than being ruled by feelings.
  • Breastplate of righteousness. We are righteous in Him and we define ourselves there.
  • Shoes of the gospel. Firmly planted and moving in the mission of the gospel.
  • Shield of faith. Agreeing in truth beyond what we feel or see. It is our protection.
  • Helmet of salvation. Our thoughts are kept and secure knowing the heart of our Father.
  • Sword of the spirit. We are exercised and relating to who God is knowing Gods heart and guarding it in our lives.
  • Praying in the spirit. Humble before the Lord asking seeking and knocking in His name.

Notice before we even wage war we stand in the power of His might, it is paramount to grasp that Jesus is fighting for us and we are abiding in Him. As we fellowship with His truth He will empower you with His might so that you will be more than an overcomer! Don’t let evidence—or the lack of—bring in doubt. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. His will always prevails.

Sick and Tired

We all have been at this place where we want to throw in the towel. Weakness and discouragement seem to prevail and we feel defeated. We may think that quitting or backing off will help bring reprieve but—in the big picture—we will suffer greatly.

“Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity.” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14)

Reasons we may quit:

  • We lose sight of our true purpose
  • We forget our roots
  • We minimize our impact
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Imbalance of output to input.

“You only lose when you quit.” I have heard this many times and it bears a good point. Often when we are at the threshold of victory the reasons to quit can be so convincing. Take a step back and reassessing perspective, and get your second wind.

  • What would be the consequence if we didn’t act?
  • Who is watching your life?
  • Keep perspective; know your role.
  • Remember where you are working towards.
  • Obstacles are designed to strengthen resolve.

It is okay to rest and get your bearings. Surround yourself with edifying people and those that will challenge you in love, but don’t quit! Don’t shrink back in the day of adversity in Proverbs 24:10. You are important in the Kingdom and God is using you. Satan doesn’t attack people that are ineffective!

Eternal Purpose

Proverbs 29:18 teaches, ”Without an eternal purpose people perish.” In the original translation it says, “people run wild and cast off restraint”. Our world can be reduced to ourselves and our wants when we look away from our eternal purpose. It is easy to live from our “pros and cons” list and talk ourselves outside the WILL of God. In these times refresh yourself in HIS presence in Acts 3:19 and remind yourself that you’re not to tiptoe through life so that you can safely get to the grave! Our true purpose is seen below:

  • Know Christ personally – NOW.
  • Be loved by Christ deeply – NOW.
  • Be like Christ on the earth – NOW.

Our purpose is much more than accomplishing a task, it is to be more like Christ every day. No matter how many times you have fallen remember our weakest areas can become a platform for HIS strength. Romans 8:37 the apostle Paul reminds us that “we are more than conquerors through Christ that loved us! We don’t have to be a casualty but live and stand in Christ’s victory.

Tribulation or Rapture? Which? (Free PDF)

Matthew Schoenherr
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Tribulation or Rapture? Which? (Free PDF)

I once believed in the pre-tribulation rapture.

So did Dr. Oswald Smith, one of Canada’s greatest Bible teachers.

After 50 years in the ministry–while reading his Greek New Testament–Dr. Smith saw “after the Tribulation” and connected it with the Apostle Paul. He reversed his position–after 50 years–and wrote a beautiful pamphlet, “Tribulation or Rapture – Which?”

They said he was senile.

No, he was just willing to change a position he found would not stand up.

If you want to hold a position, God bless you. If your pastor teaches you that position, then what you should do if you have doubts is to take the scriptures to the pastor and put to the test what you have heard.

If you want to hang onto a position, hang onto it because it’s scriptural whether you like it or not. That’s the reason for hanging onto a position.

So you hang onto what position God leads you to, but I beg you, for Christ’s sake, do not make this an issue of division in the body of Christ.

Do not discriminate against your brothers and sisters who do not hold your position.

Do not look down upon people because they honestly disagree with you.

Rather, let–as the Apostle Paul says–there be differences of opinions in the church so that the Word of God–the Truth of God–may be made known.

Dr. Walter Martin

Download “Tribulation or Rapture — Which?” PDF

Amazing Grace

Jason Moore
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Amazing Grace

Shame is ugly. We often try to hide our embarrassing exposure. Guilt says a mistake has been made but shame goes a step further and says we are a failure. This identity is paralyzing.

In 2 Samuel 9, we see a story were grace conquers shame and mercy rejoices over judgment and undeserved favor is given.

Mephibosheth had nothing to offer King David—or anyone for that matter. He was a failed father and a burden to his family. He was a cripple from birth with problems larger than life.

He was a lame shame.

One day, King David summoned him.

“Why would you have anything to do with me? I am a dead dog. There is nothing I can offer you of any value,” the cripple shook while he spoke.

He knew why he was called. He was going to be punished.

King David stood up from his throne and moved closer to Mephibosheth. “I have the power to give life or take it, you have nothing to offer me that you know of, but I am showing kindness because of your grandfather, Jonathan. I loved him as my own soul. Nothing that you have done or will do will change my decision. I am making you a place at my table because of honor to another. I look at you as I would Jonathan. You are royalty to me.”

As the king’s servants approached Mephibosheth, he was waiting for the catch or stipulation. He could not believe his ears! He had never known such favor or kindness. He was accustomed to the rough slums of Lodebar, were he never had enough; where he fought for the little he had.

This unconditional care was strange for him.

The king summoned a new robe, shoes and a ring for Mephibosheth. He now had the power, privilege, and position of a son. The servants lifted him onto a royal carrier and led him to the king’s table. The king’s dining chamber was magnificent; food as far as the eye could see, with beautiful arrangements and dazzling place-settings. The room was filled with sweet incense and all eyes were upon him. The hushed conversations turned into applause.  The “cripple” was lifted into his chair with his name on it, the massive table covered his little misshapen legs. He was now made one of the king’s family.

King David stood by the table and said, “This is good. From this day forward let it be known that Mephibosheth and his family will no longer be known as an enemy, but as my royal family, for Jonathan’s sake.”

We are all like Mephibosheth. We have been rescued in the name of another; Jesus. He took our shame and pending wrath and has made us sons and daughters of the King of Kings.

Today, we sit in His presence with our crippleness covered by the blood of Jesus.

We are a guest of honor.

The Stigma of Shame

Just like Mephibosheth, we can be keenly aware of our shortcomings. The hollow words that echo through the human heart are “Am I enough?” This gnawing question can cause twisted self-analysis and human evaluations. This stigma is a distorted point of view that can be untwisted. Perception and feeling don’t always point to truth.

A personal revelation of God’s grace identifies and conquers negative feelings and establish healthy expectations.

King David wasn’t expecting anything in return, only that Mephibosheth would receive his kindness and sit at his table. He was not trying to have him feel better about himself but to give him a new identity beyond himself. Grace does the same. As we fellowship and receive love, this ministry guides us through shame and leads us to newness.

Here is how His grace guides us through shame:

  • Shame is a perception that is self-centered.
  • What happened may be true, but it is not the whole story.
  • God is always working and refining you into HIS image.
  • Your limitations don’t limit God.
  • God is not surprised by your failure.

We may never be able to right our wrongs but we don’t have to hide. Being a prisoner to the past negatively impacts our present and future.

The Power of Grace

Grace is a powerful agent in the believer’s life. Grace steps in and abounds over any towering destruction in our life. When grace is allowed to define us—when we find our identity in Jesus—we are made whole.

Our shame no longer defines us because Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. We are now in a new book, a new page, a new chapter, a new sentence, and new word!

Grace conquerors shame by:

  • Bearing the sin.
  • Establishing a divine focal point.
  • Introducing a limitless God.
  • Refreshing the soul, picking us back up again and brushing us off.
  • Creates a new intrinsic dictionary of terms.
  • Loving us unconditionally.

The kingdom of Israel took notice of King David’s kindness on this day and marveled. We are treasured as sons and daughters.

We are not defined by our crippleness, nor by success nor shame, but by the favor and grace of the King.

A Biblical View of Traditional Family

Jason Moore
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A Biblical View of Traditional Family

Interior designers are fascinating. They can take a boring space and bring it to life. With the right design, colors, furniture, and some insightful creativity the WOW factor can be realized.

We were made for relationships. Connections add value, meaning and purpose to our lives. In our culture today, there are innumerable shades of gray in relationships. The sexual confusion of what is masculinity and femininity have conservatives scratching our heads in wonder. Our technology has advanced leaps and bounds but our moral code has digressed immensely. We can be amazed at artificial intelligence and the genius of man but then lose our identity based on sexual preferences and orientations.

Satan wants to us to cheapen this privileged standing and redesign relationships based upon our sexual appetites. In our post-Christian, hedonistic culture, we see sexual preference without principal. That design is self-centered, promoting secularism to redefine marriage and family. Once treasured, virginity and chivalry are now mocked. Anatomy and science can be ignored if they don’t line up with popular culture.

Masculinity and femininity are designed from the heart of God; both are made in the image and likeness of God representing who He is as the ultimate designer. We have a divine design; God has made you perfect for His glory. As Christians, we have the privilege of bringing emphasis and value to marriage, the sanctity of life and relationship which God calls sacred. Knowing God’s intent for humanity teaches us to value and esteem what God has intended to glorify Christ.

Three Roles for Modern Men of God

Today’s modern man is distracted and striving to reinvent himself based upon his wants and comparisons by which he defines success. Masculinity is more than a macho behavior or being passive-aggressive; it is servant leadership forged in personal integrity. Micah 6:8 shows us that divine stability is realized by “doing justly, loving mercy and walking humbly;” these are keys to a faithful, godly man.

For men, we see three potential roles:

  • Providers care for the needs of the home.
  • Protectors guarding all that is sacred
  • Pastors representing Christ to our family and our family to Christ.

It is easy to come home after a long day and crash on the couch and ignore the family dynamic, but we have a privilege to set boundaries that lead our families. Refreshment happens physically but hinges on emotional and spiritual vitality. Often our “noisy soul” isn’t quieted within us, no matter how much “free time” we may enjoy.

Blaise Pascal provokes the thought: “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”  Learning to wait on the Lord and being still before Jesus refreshes us from the inside out. We let go of our cares and stresses and lay them in God’s capable hands. As the Holy Spirit fills our heart, we bring His spirit to our home and learn forgiveness and grace and we walk in maturity in our homes (Psalm 101:1-3.)

Treasuring Ladies of Faith

In our sex-crazed world, women are often looked at as objects of lust. God has designed women as responders and the jewel of His creation. 1 Peter 3:4 shows us a lady of faith has inner beauty and grace because of her meek and gentle spirit. Her personal strengths and abilities enable her to do anything but—as she finds her identity in Jesus—she is able to complement and serve her family. Proverbs 31 shows us the intellect, resourcefulness and hardworking nature of women. They are not wallflowers to be talked down to, but exceptional and brilliant.

In dating, attraction can be the “tractor beam” that draws us, but beauty is not enough. There must be something deeper, where we fall in love with their heart and the life of faith. Dating is not a time to “try out the hardware,” but to build a deep friendship.

In the dating and courtship phase of a relationship, women must ask themselves:

  • Can I trust and follow Christ in this man?
  • Can I edify and believe in what he is doing?
  • Can I hear God and respect him?
  • Can I receive instruction from him?
  • Can I forgive and love beyond mistakes?

Likewise, with men, while the focus is often on finding the ideal mate, the real question is, “What kind of man will the woman have?” Romeo and Juliet’s syndrome is a fantasy. Best to build yourself up before the Lord so that when God adds to us, we are able to lead this precious gift He has entrusted to us.

Women are often more mature and more capable than men. Our security in Christ helps us not to compete or be insecure, but to lead with humility and flexibility. Listening builds the environment for learning, adapting and cherishing the woman.

Defining the Kingdom Family

We all have dysfunctional families to some degree. As we relate to our heavenly Father, we learn how to develop healthy relationships. How Jesus handles us teaches us how to handle others. Each member has a God-given role to fulfill in the family. 1 Corinthians 11:3 shows us the order of a healthy family is the Lord. The divine source flows from above and thoughts and actions follow.

We are not perfect. The struggles are real, but the reward is for a lifetime. Biblically, we see family roles defined:

  • Man is the initiator of the Father’s heart. (1 Timothy 3:1-16)
  • Women are the responder and caregivers of the heart of God. (Titus 2:3-5)
  • Children are being instructed, loved and learning obedience. (Ephesians 6:1)

In movies and pop culture, the world projects sex as the greatest forerunner in a relationship. Promiscuity and adultery are looked at as normal occurrences in daily life, but in 1 Peter 2:11-12, the flesh will war against the Spirit and cause soul scars. So many souls get damaged doing it the world’s way. Take, take, take! Often previous sexual relationships can damage marital intimacy.

Sex is an expression of love but not the basis of it. God is faithful to heal and purge the mind but God’s design to save oneself for their mate is the more excellent way. Seek to serve and bless your spouse. In turn, you will be blessed.

True love is found from the Lord, giving us His best as we seek Him first (Matthew 6:33.) As we lead our families, we become wise as a serpent (Matthew 10:16.) Don’t sacrifice permanent relationships on the altar of immediate gratification.

The landscape of the family dynamic has changed. This generation is called the “fatherless generation.” The statistics showing how the fabric of the family has come unraveled are astounding. The commitment and personal investment in marriage and family can be daunting, but it is a battle worth fighting for. The reward reaches generations.

The apostle John writes about the Kingdom family in 1 John 2:12-15:

“I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name’s sake. I am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I have written to you, children, because you know the Father. I have written to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.”

The Art of Parenting

Parenting is not for the weak at heart! Raising “adults” is a tireless ministry that reaps fruitful consequences (Proverbs 22:6.)

Recently, I was talking with some parents and I asked them this question: What would you compare parenting too?

The answers were humorous at first but nonetheless real-to-life. One parent said, “A gladiator. Overcoming obstacles and enemies can be a daily occurrence; vigilance is a full-time endeavor.”

Another parent said, “An athlete, due to the constant endeavor to keep moving forward. Stamina and endurance is a gift from God (Romans 8:11.)”

Yet another said, “A warrior. Your values and principals may not be always popular but they will be understood and respected eventually. Don’t quit! God is ALWAYS working!”

In times of discouragement surround yourself with godly parents that you can share and pray with. You are not alone!

Relationships can have troubles; love is messy! By keeping our eyes on where we are going, we will maintain perspective for the overwhelming moments.

The success of parenting is not always found in your children doing what we want them to do. In some cases, we may lose a battle but not lose the war. The ultimate objective is that they will value what we value and follow on to know the Lord. This may not happen our way or on our time table.

Here are a few non-negotiables in our approach to our kids:

  • Always love them.
  • Pray for them fervently.
  • Keep lines of communication open.
  • Forgive often.
  • Speak to the heart, not the behavior only.
  • Admit when you’re wrong.
  • Encourage and speak faith to them.
  • Celebrate what they are passionate about.

Final Reminders for Setting Your Family’s Firm Foundation

Joshua knew what a kingdom family was in Joshua 24:15 “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.”  This can be experienced in many ways. Here are a few building blocks:

  • Fatherhood begins with loving your wife. In loving our wives, we love ourselves (Ephesians 5:25-28.) Having a parent-centered home brings security to your family dynamic. One of the greatest things we can do for our kids is to love our wife.
  • As men, we understand the value of providing and protecting our family, but leading as a shepherd is foundational. We set the tone in our marriage and our personal spiritual life keeps our family from being exposed to the wicked one. If the man “checks out,” the family is left totally exposed.
  • Having a mission in your family is invaluable. To reach and serve something greater than ourselves teaches our kids that we are not the center of the universe but that God has created us to make Him known.
  • Value your in-laws. Often there are fractures in these relationships because boundaries have been crossed, and the in-laws become out-laws. Building bridges here can help foster a coaching support system that can be very rewarding.
  • Give yourself lots of grace. The fear of parenting like your parents or duplicating their mistakes can cause a lot of anxiety. Ask for help and be humble enough to listen and receive it. Make the right choices today.
  • Be 100% were you are. Enter what is in front of you with your whole self, not half-hearted and enjoy the ride!

Don’t give up in your relationships! Keep investing God’s best regardless of the response. God is always working, and His plan is always unfolding! Enjoy now but build for what will be!

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