Are you finding yourself in a cycle of sin? Are you struggling to gain victory over your vices? Are you wondering how you can quit pornography, overeating, drinking, smoking or some other vice?
Beating yourself up when you fall into sin repeatedly won’t yield good fruit, but as you’re experiencing, revisiting sin over and over won’t yield great fruit either. Have you meditated on how much He’s forgiven you? Meditate on Jesus’ crucifixion. Read the passages. He went through our punishment so we would be set free.
Be encouraged! There was probably a time when you eagerly stepped into pornography or smoking or gluttony or drinking or drugs (insert your sin of choice here) and didn’t think a thing about it. The fact that your heart is so convicted is actually a really healthy sign the Holy Spirit is working in you! Thank the Lord He is setting you free from your addiction! Revisit the script in this video over and over (https://youtu.be/pHouZtAst5c). Grab it from the description. Give your lust, gluttony or addiction over to the Holy Spirit. Thank Him for burning it off you! Submit to the Lord and the enemy must flee.
How are your spiritual disciplines? Are you spending time in the Word? Are you setting aside time to pray and commune with your Father? Are you fasting? Are you stepping into private worship? Are you attending church weekly? Are you part of a community or small group that meets weekly? Without dedicated times and connections in your life, you will be ill-equipped to subdue the flesh; in fact, you would be spiritually-anemic. Without anchors like these, backsliding will certainly result.
Finally, what is your diet like? I don’t mean food (well, maybe,) but what media are you consuming throughout the week? If your music is carnal, if your television, movies and videos are carnal, you’re 1) feeding your flesh and walking into temptation more frequently and 2) you’re undermining any spiritual lift you might achieve through the disciplines I just mentioned.
P.S. If you’re not used to fasting, maybe start by fasting from screens for a week. (Fasting doesn’t always have to be food-centered.) Whenever you feel more agitated, impatient, judgmental, lusty, snacky, etc., it’s a good indication you’re due for a fast. Fasting is a weapon, just like prayer and worship and Scripture. Remember, we are called to subdue the earth (which includes our flesh); not to be subdued by it.
You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasuresforever. (Psalm 16:11)
An important book that addresses a Christian’s daily relationship with God was written more than 300 years ago by a man we have come to know as Brother Lawrence. The book was written posthumously and captured the essence of his pursuit of a joyous walk with God. That book was “The Practice of the Presence of the Lord – The Best Rule of Holy Life” and that relationship centered on the recognition of God’s personal love for him.
He began life as Nicholas Herman, born to peasant parents in Lorraine, France (1611-1691). As a young man, his poverty forced him into joining the army, and thus he was guaranteed meals and a small stipend. During this period, Herman had an experience that set him on a unique spiritual journey; it wasn’t, characteristically, a supernatural vision, but a supernatural clarity into a common sight.
In the deep of winter, Herman looked at a barren tree, stripped of leaves and fruit, waiting silently and patiently for the sure hope of summer abundance. Gazing at the tree, Herman grasped for the first time the extravagance of God’s grace and the unfailing sovereignty of divine providence. Like the tree, he himself was seemingly dead, but God had life waiting for him, and the turn of seasons would bring fullness. At that moment, he said, that leafless tree “first flashed in upon my soul the fact of God,” and a love for God that never after ceased to burn. Sometime later, an injury forced his retirement from the army, and after a stint as a footman, he sought a place where he could suffer for his failures. He thus entered the Discalced Carmelite monastery in Paris as Brother Lawrence.
I began to live as if there were no one save God and me in the world.
Lawrence cultivated a simple way of communing with God in his everyday duties of cooking, cleaning pots and pans, and whatever else he was called upon to do, which he termed “practicing the presence of God.” Everything he did, whether it was spiritual devotions, church worship, running errands, counseling and listening to people, no matter how mundane or tedious, Lawrence saw it as a way of expressing God’s love.
That since that time he had passed his life in perfect liberty and continual joy. That he placed his sins betwixt him and GOD, as it were, to tell Him that he did not deserve His favours, but that GOD still continued to bestow them in abundance.
Lawrence began to view every little detail of his life as vitally important in his relationship with God. His exuberance, genuine humility, inner joy, and peace attracted people from near and far. Both leaders of the church and common folk sought Lawrence for spiritual guidance and prayer. Lawrence understood that the attitude and motivation of the heart were keys to experiencing the fullness of God’s presence at all times.
That as he knew his obligation to love GOD in all things, and as he endeavored so to do, he had no need of a director to advise him, but that he needed much a confessor to absolve him. That he was very sensible of his faults, but not discouraged by them; that he confessed them to GOD and did not plead against Him to excuse them. When he had so done, he peaceably resumed his usual practice of love and adoration.
That in his trouble of mind, he had consulted nobody, but knowing only by the light of faith that GOD was present, he contented himself with directing all his actions to Him, i.e., doing them with a desire to please Him, let what would come of it.
Man has a natural tendency to hide from God after failing as is the testimony of Adam and Eve given in Genesis 3:8: They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Their first son, Cain was banished from the presence of the Lord for his act of murder against his brother (Genesis 4:16). It takes courage to face failure and to trust God for His willingness to accept man in spite of his weaknesses.
God would address this matter in Numbers 15:37-41 by introducing tassels to be added to the corners of the peoples’ garments as a reminder to keep their focus on God and His Word. In verses 39-40, “It shall be a tassel for you to look at and remember all the commandments of the Lord, so as to do them and not follow after your own heart and your own eyes, after which you played the harlot, so that you may remember to do all My commandments and be holy to your God.” They were a reminder of both their wicked hearts as well as the victory that comes from keeping His commandments so as to be holy to your God.
That useless thoughts spoil all: that the mischief began there; but that we ought to reject them, as soon as we perceived their impertinence to the matter in hand, or our salvation; and return to our communion with GOD.
That in order to form a habit of conversing with GOD continually and referring all we do to Him; we must at first apply to Him with some diligence: but that after a little care we should find His love inwardly excite us to it without any difficulty.
Jesus taught the masses at the Sermon on the Mount that “Blessed are the pure in heart,for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). This purity of heart is all about honesty and transparency, nothing withheld. According to Brother Lawrence, “that we ought to act with GOD in the greatest simplicity, speaking to Him frankly and plainly, and imploring His assistance in our affairs, just as they happen. That GOD never failed to grant it, as he had often experienced.”
King David recognized the value of living in God’s presence, in His sanctuary as a place of not only worship, but also sweet fellowship around His Word and wonder. In Psalm 27:4-5, “One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple. For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; in the secret place of His tent, He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock.” This place is his secret place and his place of protection.
We can do little things for God; I turn the cake that is frying on the pan for love of him, and that done, if there is nothing else to call me, I prostrate myself in worship before him, who has given me grace to work; afterwards I rise happier than a king. It is enough for me to pick up but a straw from the ground for the love of God.
Men invent means and methods of coming at God’s love, they learn rules and set up devices to remind them of that love, and it seems like a world of trouble to bring oneself into the consciousness of God’s presence. Yet it might be so simple. Is it not quicker and easier just to do our common business wholly for the love of him?
Psalm 17:3-15
3 You have tried my heart; You have visited me by night; You have tested me, and You find nothing; I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress. 4 As for the deeds of men, by the word of Your lips I have kept from the paths of the violent. 5 My steps have held fast to Your paths. My feet have not slipped. 6 I have called upon You, for You will answer me, O God; Incline Your ear to me, hear my speech. 7 Wondrously show Your lovingkindness, O Savior of those who take refuge at Your right hand from those who rise up against them. 8 Keep me as the apple of the eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings 9 From the wicked who despoil me, my deadly enemies who surround me. 10 They have closed their unfeeling heart; with their mouth they speak proudly. 11 They have now surrounded us in our steps; they set their eyes to cast us down to the ground. 12 He is like a lion that is eager to tear, and as a young lion lurking in hiding places. 13 Arise, O Lord, confront him, bring him low; deliver my soul from the wicked with Your sword, 14 From men with Your hand, O Lord, from men of the world, whose portion is in this life, and whose belly You fill with Your treasure; they are satisfied with children, and leave their abundance to their babes. 15 As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness; I will be satisfied with Your likeness when I awake.
David uttered this prayer in the midst of some present danger as a means of thankfulness to God’s testings to establish and confirm David’s integrity. He says it is his own willingness to purpose to avoid transgressions and to “hold fast to Your paths” that gave him his confidence. When he called upon the Lord, He would answer and show Himself faithful. Practicing the presence of God produced in David the sense that he was the apple of God’s eye and that he was hid in God’s shadow. In Colossians 3:3-4, “For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory”. As David declares in verse 15 above, “As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness; I will be satisfied with Your likeness when I awake”.
In this article, we are continuing our discussion on unforgiveness. In part one of this talk, I introduced the metaphor of a cursed dagger that cuts the one who wields it more than it cuts others. We defined forgiveness as 1) a hurt, 2) the debt created by that hurt and 3) the cancellation of that debt. We read the parable of the unforgiving servant and unpacked a few details about that parable. Finally, we looked at the fruit of unforgiveness and how it can lead to despair, disease—even death.
Here in part two, we will press into reasons why we struggle to forgive, remind ourselves about the image we’re made in and then look at how to gain freedom through forgiveness.
Ricky
One night, I was returning home from a late meeting and I found myself hungry and ahead of schedule. I decided to stop at the local grocery store and pick up some dinner. With grocery bags in hand, I was on my way out of the store when a young man called to me from the parking lot.
“Sir! Sir! Hey, could you help me? I took the bus to the store but I didn’t realize the buses didn’t run after 9PM and now I’m stranded. Is there any way you could give me a ride back to my hotel?”
The man had several grocery bags with him, so—between that and a quick check-in with the Holy Spirit—his story checked out and I said, “Sure. C’mon.”
He was very thankful and witnessed to how much help he was receiving from people (including some folks from my local church, apparently.) During the short car ride to a nearby hotel, I learned more about Ricky. Turns out someone had put him up at the hotel for a few days. I gave him the numbers for the local homeless shelters. I asked him if he had a Bible (he did) and we prayed for his hurting shoulder and back. He was currently homeless but seemed quite able, so I eventually said to him, “Ricky, you seem like a sharp guy. You’ve worked before. Why aren’t you working now?”
A pained look darkened his face. “I’m having a hard time with my dad’s passing, I guess. A couple years back, my dad got into drugs. He started drinking too. I couldn’t stand seeing him throw his life away. I just got angry, you know? I said some things—some awful things. I moved out and didn’t look back; just cut him off. We went the whole time without talking. The next time I saw him, it was at the hospital. He was in a coma. I apologized for all the things I said, but I don’t know if he heard me. I’ll never know now.”
Ricky found himself at his dad’s deathbed, under deep condemnation for the unloving words he had spoken in anger. He never got a chance to make things right between he and his dad.
Ricky’s guilt had crystalized into unforgiveness. That night, I stood in proxy for Ricky’s dad and led Ricky through forgiving himself. We prayed for his release and we asked for forgiveness before God.
It’s not just the Christian community that needs to operate in forgiveness; this spiritual reality applies to everyone.
Why Do We Struggle to Forgive?
People sometimes say: “I think I’ve forgiven them, but I can’t forget what happened.” Or, about themselves, they may say, “I know God has forgiven me. I just don’t feel forgiven.” Continued bitterness, anger or depression toward another shows us we may not have fully forgiven someone. Persistent regret, condemnation or shame tells us we may not have forgiven ourselves. Forgiveness is complete when:
We have experienced the forgiveness of God
We have forgiven those who have hurt us
We can fully forgive ourselves
Reasons we struggle to forgive. (Swap “I” and “they” where necessary):
1. We confuse the size of the sin with the worthiness to be forgiven.
May sound like, “But I can never forgive them for what they’ve done!” or “What they did is unforgiveable!” From God’s holy, righteous point of view, sin is sin. All are guilty, so we can dispense with the worthiness question. The Word teaches that none are worthy; not one. (Romans 3:11)
2. We think forgiveness can be earned.
“No way. They did this. They need to make this right!” No one can earn forgiveness. Only by accepting the redeeming blood of Jesus can we be set free from sin and be cleansed from all unrighteousness. Just as we cannot receive forgiveness by our works, nor can anyone earn forgiveness from us. Forgiveness begins with us. Freely we have received, freely we give.
3. Dismayed, disappointed and disillusioned.
We have not received or achieved what we hoped for or expected. “But I should have known better!” is often the cry. If you or they knew better—if you were truly seeing clearly—you probably wouldn’t have done what you did.
4. We are defeated before we begin.
“How long will I be able to endure this?” is often the heart-cry of those who identify more with their weakness and defeat than with Christ’s victory. Jesus overcame and because He overcame, we too, shall overcome.
Let’s Get Real
I want to pause for a moment. I recognize we’ve all been through injustice, even from childhood. Many of us have been met with hatred, contempt, rejection. Some of us have been touched wrong by others who should have been protectors but instead became predators. Some of us have been utterly betrayed by loved ones. If we took turns and went around the room, by the time we finished, we’d be astonished by the amount of hell we’ve been through.
On the opposite side of that blade, we might be astonished too by the amount of hell we’ve brought to others.
And yet, at the end of the day, what and who do we allow to define us? Do we allow a traumatic moment or season in our lives to define us more than the One who created us? Your past doesn’t have to maintain its power over you anymore!
There is no neutral ground in the kingdom—you are either in forgiveness or you are in unforgiveness. If the person who hurt you would have really known God, would they have done what they did? Maybe they even grew up in the Church. Maybe they even called Jesus Lord. But if they saw God clearly? If they knew His love thoroughly? If they were walking rightly before the Lord, and in right relationship with Jesus, do you think they would have ever done what they did? Do you think you would have done what you did if you had been seeing clear?
I think not.
If God is love (He is) and we’re made in His image (we are), what does that say about us? About how we are to walk? Are we not to deny ourselves, pick up our cross and follow who? (Jesus.) And did He not beg the Father for our forgiveness while our sin nailed Him to a Roman cross? That’s what Love did and that’s the image of forgiveness we’re called to.
Easy Grace?
Wait. When does justice figure into your equation, Matthew? If we just let go of all these injustices, aren’t we letting go of accountability too?
Well, first off, it’s not my equation—it’s God’s.
“Vengeance is mine,” says the Lord. (Deuteronomy 32:35) We don’t have to worry about avenging or defending ourselves. There have been times in my life when folks have placed a target on my back and taken aim. In those times—when I’ve had the good sense to give those trials over to the Lord—the problems seem to solve themselves. Conflicts work out, people are moved or situations are solved—sometimes within minutes, sometimes within months—but solved they are.
It is not our ability to correct a person that leads them to repentance; it is the goodness of God. (Romans 2:4) As Israel will tell you, however, sometimes this can mean the judgment of God. The Lord corrects those He loves and He loves those who hurt you. He calls them to repentance and relationship, just as He has called us, and so that’s what we pray into.
Whose Image Are We Made In?
If you’re right with God, you don’t have a problem. You don’t have hold onto a trauma. You don’t have hold onto an offense. You’re free from all of that hurt, if you want to be. You have a massive “I love you” from God who says there is something about His kids that is worth the blood of Jesus Christ. Why would we let anything or anyone eclipse God’s Truth in our life? That would be idolatry.
Does love take any account of its own? Does love take any account of a suffered wrong? Freely you have received, freely you give. Colossians 3:13 teaches:
“Bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other. As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
If you’re born again—if you have put off the old and put on the new in Christ—that means you died to yourself so you might be raised up in Him. You gave up your rights to be offended, to be annoyed, to hold grudges. When you died, you gave up your rights to be let down by others, to have your say or to get your way. It’s no longer about getting your way; it’s about living His. It’s no longer your life; it’s His life in you.
If you’ve given your life to Christ; that means it’s no longer your own. You’ve been bought with a price.
Your Decision? Choose Love
If God dealt with us the way we deal with each other or with ourselves, we would have been rejected, abandoned and cut off long ago. The Holy Spirit wants to help us forgive. It doesn’t matter how long we have been bound by the past; we can be free! “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) We must take these four steps into forgiveness when we step forward into God’s love.
Step 1. Recognize the problem
We must recognize and admit any unforgiveness, hurts or struggles. Healing begins with awareness. Confess. Call unforgiveness into the light. We must consider the past dead and powerless. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17) We must let go of the past.
Step 2. Forgiveness is a decision
We must love through past hurts and press into forgiveness. God has given us a spirit of self-control (2 Timothy 1:7) yet our memories can torture us if we fail to take captive every thought. We are to cancel every fruitless pattern our flesh—or the enemy—wants to produce in us. Feelings follow choices. An example of this in prayer might be something like:
Pray it: God, I choose to forgive ___________ for _____________________ (what they did) and for the feelings of _____________________ (abandonment, humiliation, shame, etc.) I experienced as a result.
Step 3. Cancel their debt (release the pain)
We must not only become channels of forgiveness, but receive forgiveness as well. Yet, the internal battle to forgive can be real. Painful feelings may return. You may find yourself wondering, “I’ve forgiven them. Why do I still hurt?” The solution isn’t “forgive and forget”; that doesn’t work. The solution is “forgive and forgive”; you simply keep forgiving them. You’re canceling their debt to you, wiping it from your books. You may have to do this more than once, twice, ten times or more, until you experience freedom. In prayer, this might look like:
Pray it: God, I give you my pain. I’ve _______________ (doubted, hated, condemned them, condemned myself) as a result. I’m done with this. I release them/myself.
Step 4. Confess your liberty and decide to receive it
Forgive without reservations. Let us imitate Christ’s example. We need to confess forgiveness and release those that have hurt us. We must also forgive ourselves. This includes releasing ourselves from any hard feelings toward God when we’ve accused Him of offenses that have happened to us.
Pray it: Pray blessings over this person. What healing do you want this person to experience? (This can be the hardest step to take, but it is vital to your successful release.)
Lay It All Down
I want you to imagine you have the cursed dagger of Unforgiveness in your hand. You may have possessed this dagger for only a little while, or you may have owned it since you were a child. You’ve used this dagger before, but you’ve come here today to lay it down, to cancel its power over you, to cancel its ability to cut you anymore.
Jesus already paid the price for it all; He has made you free. Confess it and receive it in your heart. Confess the victory of Jesus Christ. Cancel the debt on the books of your life and experience freedom today
Okay! This wraps up this lesson on unforgiveness. I encourage you to take a moment to pray through the prayer script above and release any debts that come to your mind. You can experience freedom today.
Imagine a dagger of elegant craftsmanship. This dagger has been possessed by many; from beggars and thieves, to brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, parents and children, all the way up to the kings and queens of nations. This dagger has never been bought nor sold. It is always given as a gift and is often passed down, from generation to generation.
But it’s not who has possessed this dagger that makes this weapon unique.
You see, this dagger is cursed.
When its owner uses this dagger to wound another—and they almost always do—this dagger strikes two. As the owner lashes out at their loved one, their friend, their coworker, their pastor, their parent, they never miss their mark, but they themselves are always cut in return. In fact, the cut they receive is always twice as deep and twice as long as the one they give. Suffice it to say, it is often blind anger toward another that proves terminal to the one who wields this knife.
The name of this dagger? Unforgiveness.
The Two-Edged Blade of Unforgiveness
There are two ways unforgiveness cuts us: unforgiveness toward others and unforgiveness toward ourselves.
Forgiveness—both extending it and receiving it—is foundational to our human walk and yet, it can be one of the hardest things for us to do. When we’re done wrong by another person, our natural reflex is often to withdraw, to cut off, or to lash back. We nurse wounds, hold grudges, and remove favor.
Sometimes it’s us we can’t forgive; it’s ourselves. Maybe we condemn ourselves for things we did before we came to Christ. Maybe we still made bad decisions and followed our flesh after we called Jesus Lord. “I should have known better,” we say. “I was weak.” Then we struggle to reach for, and to be restored by, our heavenly Father because we have allowed sin and shame to spiritually gray us out and separate us from Love.
Neither unforgiveness toward others nor unforgiveness toward ourselves has any place in the Christian’s life. We are called to walk in forgiveness, releasing those who hurt us and receiving forgiveness for our own failures.
Defining Forgiveness
Let’s get clear on what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is the act of releasing someone of an obligation (a physical, spiritual or emotional debt.) That debt is often created by a suffered wrong. Forgiveness is comprised of three elements:
HURT
DEBT created by that hurt
CANCELLATION of that debt
One of the elemental properties of forgiveness is that it must be given freely; it cannot be earned. You can earn trust but you must give forgiveness.
When we fail to forgive someone (even ourselves), we fail to cancel the debt. If we fail to cancel the debt, we remain bound by the debt. It is a loss that stays on the books of our lives.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
The parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35) shows us the importance of forgiveness and the danger of unforgiveness.
21 Then Peter came to him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I say to you not seven times, but seventy times seven.”
23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
A few things to understand about this passage:
Seven times seventy
When Jesus says we should forgive seven times seventy times, He is alluding to the 70-week prophecy spoken through Daniel the prophet (Daniel 9:24-27). In this prophecy, the coming of the Messiah was predicted to occur within seventy “weeks” of years (seventy times seven,) or 490 years. This marks a period of grace over Israel by the Father. Jesus is saying, in essence, “You should extend the same grace the Father has shown you.”
Let’s do the math
A denarius was a day’s wage for a laborer, so we easily understand the debt of a hundred denarii being 100 days’ wages. A talent—valued as weight in silver and worth about twenty years’ wages for a laborer—totaled around 6,000 denarii. Today, in USD, one gram of silver costs about $0.72. At this price, a talent (about 33 kg, approximately 73 pounds) would be worth about $23,760. Multiplied by the 10,000 talents in this account, this means about $237,600,000 was owed! By these calculations, a laborer would need to work 164,384 years to repay this debt. Yet, the Master—knowing the servant had no way to repay Him—had compassion on him and forgave him his debt.
Who are the torturers?
In ancient times, the torturers (tormentors, jailers, executioners, depending upon your Bible version) would punish a prisoner physically, mentally, and emotionally to try and break them. This parable of the unforgiving servant shows us that anyone that does not forgive is exposed to torturers. Wounds that have not healed properly, that hurt every time we remember a past offense, torture us and keep us bound.
Who really loses?
Who is the real victim of unforgiveness? The one who withholds forgiveness. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness, stagnation and anger which—over time—leads to discontent, depression and disease. In Galatians 6:7-8, Paul warns of the devastation from being led by our flesh:
“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever a man sows, he will also reap. For he that sows to his flesh shall, by the flesh, reap corruption; but he who sows to the Spirit shall, by the Spirit, reap everlasting life.”
What are the Fruits of Unforgiveness?
Unforgiveness corrupts and stains
An unforgiving spirit does not limit itself to only one relationship; it is completely destructive. It stains us, it stains the worldview (the lens) we see through and then it stains every facet of our life.
Unforgiveness devours and binds
A victim of unforgiveness may wait for their persecutor to make the first step toward healing the injustice. However, while they wait (usually in vain), like a parasite, that unforgiving spirit continues to wreak havoc in their lives. By digging in, hardening their scars and refusing to forgive, a victim of unforgiveness places all their power into the hands of the very person who hurt them. They essentially shackle themselves to their persecutor!
Unforgiveness produces rejection and death
When rejection grows out of an unforgiving spirit, it leads to bitterness, causing tremendous damage in its wake. A person in unforgiveness may experience feelings of hardness or loss, as if something has been stolen from them. They feel robbed, violated, hurt, isolated, misunderstood. Yet, when they try to recover, they often find their other relationships turbulent and falling short. The Bible teaches us the fruit of sin is death. By clinging to the sin of unforgiveness, we can see the death of relationships, the death of peace, the death of joy—even physical death. According to Counseling Directory, unforgiveness has been linked with:
61% of cancer patients have forgiveness issues.
Suppressed anger. Short fuses are often associated with unforgiveness.
Low self-esteem. Lack of self-love often stems from not forgiving yourself.
Leads to depression.
Constant worrying. Often leads to sleep deprivation and anxiety.
High blood pressure.
Heart disease.
Further evidence of unforgiveness:
We punish or hold hostage. We make others and ourselves spiritual prisoners.
Persistent uncertainty. We fail to trust God has forgiven us.
Guilt, shame and condemnation. The accuser loves it when we feel guilty because it grays out our faith.
Compulsive behavior. Constant distraction from our hurt.
This is the end of part one of our talk on unforgiveness! In part two, we will look at the reasons we struggle to forgive, reinforce our understanding of God’s call on our life and then we’ll walk through the steps required to achieve forgiveness.
35 Again the next day John [the Baptist] was standing with two of his disciples, 36 and he looked at Jesus as He walked, and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God!” 37 The two disciples heard him speak, and they followed Jesus. 38 And Jesus turned and saw them following, and said to them, “What do you seek?” They said to Him, “Rabbi (which translated means Teacher), where are You staying?” 39 He said to them, “Come, and you will see.” So they came and saw where He was staying; and they stayed with Him that day, for it was about the tenth hour. 40 One of the two who heard John speak and followed Him, was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother. 41 He found first his own brother Simon and said to him, “We have found the Messiah” (which translated means Christ). (John 1:35-41)
In John 1:11, “Jesus came to His own [the Jews], but those who were His own did not receive Him.” Very few had any interest in following Jesus. Yet right from the very beginning of His public ministry, He was looking for disciples, those who would be willing to learn from Him by accepting His instruction as truth, as rules to live by. God is always working through His disciples; in the Old Testament they were referred to as the remnant, those that refuse to bow their knee to Baal (1 Kings 19:18). The continuation of the new covenant requires ones who will carry on the work after Jesus’s time on earth was completed and His followers would be an integral part of this new work of God.
The Apostle John reports in John 1:35-51 that the day after the baptism in the Jordan River, Jesus was looking to establish disciples, ones who would follow after Him and learn personally what it meant to be a true follower. John the Baptist identifies Him as the Lamb of God, a reference to his willingness to be sacrificed for others (Mark 10:45) and a symbol that followers of Christ would have to suffer. Paul captured the essence of this reality in Romans 8:36, quoting from Psalm 44:22, which says, “for your sake we are being put to death all day long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered”. If you are looking for glory, this is not it!
Come and see
As an ordained minister, I have grown up to understand that looking for glory, especially as a church leader, is a trap and has only led to discouragement. Christ intended that none would glory in anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ (Galatians 6:14), the place where I am willing to die to me and my private interests in order to experience Him (Galatians 2:20). John the Baptist understood this and expressed it in John 1:26-27, “I baptize with water, but among you stands One whom you do not know. It is He who comes after me, the thong of whose sandal I am not worthy to untie”.
Throughout this passage, Jesus is saying to the newfound followers, “Come and you will see.” (verse 39) The key to becoming a follower of Christ is that you must come and see. Christianity is not a spectator sport, but it requires a willingness to act, taking steps of faith and in the process you will see unexpected things that will strengthen your faith. You will see Him do things in your life that will prove His faithfulness. The disciples’ three years with Jesus was a time to come and see. The same is true for us; we too must come and see.
A direct connection to Christ
In the passage, we also notice that two of the disciples belong to John the Baptist and they immediately became followers of Jesus. In John 3:29, John the Baptist acknowledged that he was not the bridegroom, but only a friend.
Unlike many religious systems, the new covenant is defined by a believer and his relationship to Christ and not to some other teacher or leader. Paul addressed this very issue in 1Corinthians 1:12-13, “Now I mean this, that each one of you is saying, ‘I am of Paul,’ and ‘I of Apollos,’ and ‘I of Cephas,’ and ‘I of Christ.’ 13 Has Christ been divided? Paul was not crucified for you, was he? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul”? This is a foundational principle of the new covenant, that each believer is directly related to Jesus and Jesus to each believer. In Hebrews 8:10, “I will be their God and they shall be my people”.
In Exodus 20:18-19, the Israelis were gathered at Mount Sinai with God who was demonstrating His presence on the mountain top with fire and lightning and thunder and earthquakes and the people were afraid. As a result, they told Moses to go up and hear from God and tell them what He said. This is a picture of many believers who are afraid to hear directly from God, but will listen to others. Because of the work of Christ on the cross, we do not have to be afraid of God.
After one is introduced to Christianity, he learns by following the example of others, including church leaders and may not be connected to Christ. As he grows, he gleans all that he can from a mentor, but there comes a time when he recognizes that he needs more and is no longer satisfied with the status quo. The disciples of John the Baptist were now ready to become deeply connected to Christ. John had been pointing them to Messiah all along.
Abiding fellowship
John 1:38 also tells us that Jesus’s first words to the new disciples were, “What do you seek?” Jesus was checking their motive for following. The Greek word for follow, “akoloutheo”, means more than coming behind, but it has a deeper sense of abiding fellowship with Him. If they are to become His disciples, they must come and see and stay with Him. They needed to get to see how He lived, how He responded to others, and how He dealt with many different situations. Our ability to follow Jesus is not just showing up at church on Sunday morning, but it involves the way we live our lives and Jesus has lessons for us through the Scriptures that can teach us how to face life’s challenges. A disciple learns how to follow Jesus closely.
We also see that a true disciple has a hard time keeping quiet about his relationship with Christ. Andrew, one of those disciples of John the Baptist that now follows Jesus, immediately goes to tell his brother Simon that, “We have found the Messiah” (John 1:41) and in the presence of Jesus is renamed Peter and he also becomes a follower. Then, Philip speaks to his friend, Nathanael and tells him the same basic message, that “we have found Him of whom Moses in the Law and Prophets wrote…” Once Jesus demonstrates His messiahship to Nathanael, he also follows. As one becomes a true follower, he will desire to share his faith with others.
Discipleship
In Luke 14:16-27, Jesus used a parable as an illustration of the more common excuses for not becoming a follower of Christ. The challenges that believers face relate to relationships with the details of life. When those details, including relationships with family members, job, pursuit of personal interests, etc. become more important than the pursuit of Jesus, then you cannot be a true follower (disciple). In verses 26-27, “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be My disciple.” The big dinner that Jesus speaks of is the “Marriage Supper of the Lamb” found in Revelations 19:9 where all believers in Christ will become His bride. Our biggest priority will be our new relationship with Him and He wants that to be our priority today as well. This is a process of growing in grace and the knowledge of our Lord (2 Peter 3:18).
A walk of faith
One major difference between the old and new covenants is that the Jews always needed a sign, some physical confirmation that they were hearing from God. In John 6:30, the Jews said to Jesus, “What then do You do for a sign, so that we may see, and believe You? What work do You perform”? Their faith was limited by what they saw. These same limitations existed throughout the Old Testament times. This is why God used the cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night to move the nation of Israel throughout the wilderness. They learned to trust the outward sign of the cloud and pillar of fire to know that they were moving with God. But the new covenant disciple is one who must learn to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). He learns not to rely on his eyes, but develops his sixth sense of faith, knowing that he has heard God and moves forward. God is faithful to lead every believer by His Spirit and believers must learn how to listen to His still small voice (sound of a gentle whisper) in the midst of the busyness of life. One great example of this principle is illustrated in the healing of the man born blind in John 9:35-41.
35 Jesus heard that they had put him out, and finding him, He said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” 36 He answered, “Who is He, Lord, that I may believe in Him?” 37 Jesus said to him, “You have both seen Him, and He is the one who is talking with you.” 38 And he said, “Lord, I believe.” And he worshipped Him. 39 And Jesus said, “For judgement I came into this world, so that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind.” 40 Those of the Pharisees who were with Him heard these things and said to Him, “We are not blind too, are we?” 41 Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin, but since you say, ‘We see,’ your sin remains. (John 9:35-41)
Jesus is trying to illustrate an important point about the kind of sight we receive when we recognize Him as Messiah, as Savior, as Lord. For the one who does not believe, he will never be able to see, but faith in Christ gives us new sight, not physically, but spiritually, the sixth sense. According to Barnes Notes on this passage, “Hitherto he had understood little of the true character of Jesus. He believed that he had power to heal him, and he inferred that he must be a prophet in John 9:17. He believed according to the light he had, and he now showed that he was prepared to believe all that Jesus said. This is the nature of true faith. It believes all that God has made known, and it is premiered to receive all that he will teach. The phrase Son of God here is equivalent to the Messiah.” The one who trusts in himself instead of Christ will die in his sins, but the true believer will learn to not be afraid to share his faith in Christ with others. In Matthew 5:8, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”
A work of the heart
The Pharisees made themselves look like followers of God on the outside “whitewashed tombs”, but on the inside, full of “dead men’s bones” (Matthew 23:27). Outward conformity to God’s standards only deals with the outside, but God’s work to make us true followers is a work of the heart and happens as we are willing to recognize the greatness of Jesus and what He accomplished on behalf of each one who believes.
Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was hungry afterward. And when the tempter came to him, he said, “If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.”
But he answered and said, “It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:1-4 KJV)
The Spirit of God led Christ Jesus into a solitary place to be tempted by the devil. The Word of God states that after Jesus finished with His fasting and prayers, He desired food.
We must understand that the Spirit led Jesus Christ. He did nothing without the influence of the Holy Spirit. This means that we must follow the instructions of the Holy Spirit.
Any Christian who does something without the permission of the Holy Spirit falls into great danger. Sometimes people assume that because someone faces challenges, the person has sinned.
The Spirit of God led Jesus Christ into a lonely place so that Satan could tempt Him. God knows how to deliver us when we face temptation. He knows our spiritual strength, and He will never allow us to be tempted above our spiritual and emotional strength when we are under His influence.
We may go through some challenges because God wants to train us for the future. Demons did not tempt Jesus Christ. It was the devil who tempted Jesus Christ. The master tempter faced Jesus Christ this time. He did not allow any demon, but he tempted Jesus Christ.
The devil can analyze our spiritual strength. He knows the best demons to use in spiritual warfare. If you are strong enough, he comes to tempt you. Jesus Christ felt hunger after fasting.
This means hunger is part of fasting. Most often, I feel hungry when I’m fasting. We need the grace of God to help us in the fasting season because the devil can use our neighbors to break our fasting.
The devil used a powerful strategy to deal with Jesus Christ and I will show you how the devil operates and give you some keys to overcome his strategy. The devil said to Jesus Christ, “If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.”
There is nothing wrong with turning a stone into bread, but the devil knew what he was doing. The revelation behind this temptation is the devil wants us to focus on temporal things.
He wants us to forget the things of God and focus on the perishable things. Most Christians are trapped in this prison. People ignore church activities and focus only on their jobs, family, and ambitions.
There is nothing wrong in creating business and if the Holy Spirit leads you. If you focus only on temporal things and forget the things of God, you will backslide. The devil wants us to focus on fame, vainglory, mansions, properties, and buildings and forget about the kingdom of God.
Jesus Christ did not allow the devil to overcome Him. He said to the devil, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” Temporal things are not the way to success and happiness in life. We need the Word.
We must focus on building the kingdom of God with our resources, prayers, and strength. We must focus on the things of God more than the things of this world because the blessings of God are permanent.
There is an inner man in you that needs the life, and the life of the inner man is the Word (See John 6:63). Feeding the body with food and water and ignoring the spiritual food is a trap of the enemy. I know some Christians who focus only on the flesh. All they know is their needs and wants. They don’t have time to win souls for Jesus Christ. They don’t have time to intercede for the church, government, and various fields.
The devil wants you to sacrifice your church activities and focus only on your job.
The devil wants you to ignore the position in the church and focus only on your business.
The devil wants you to separate you from the church and make you backslide.
The devil wants you to ignore the living Word.
The devil wants you to invest in the business than to invest in the kingdom of God.
The devil wants you to divorce the Godfearing partner and marry the wealthy unbeliever.
The devil wants you to vacate the church and follow the world’s system.
Divine Key: Choose wisely because the devil is a liar!
Pastor Duodu Henry Appiah-korang is an ordained pastor who loves to work with God and serve the church of the living God with all his heart. He loves reading life-transforming and self-help books, especially Christian books. He has completed various Bible schools in Ghana and has served in the leadership of different churches. He completed the University of Professional Studies, Accra, in 2017 where he obtained a Bachelor of Science in Accounting. He has been in the ministry of God since 2009. The Word of God is one of his most exceptional spiritual foods. He loves to teach, preach, prophesy, and help people understand the Word of God, especially those in colleges. Read more inspiring articles of Pastor Duodu Henry Appiahkorang on his website: https://www.rockofheaven.com/ and his books on Amazon.
