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Three Ways to Restore Balance in Marriage

Jason Moore
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Three Ways to Restore Balance in Marriage

In our world today, we see marriages crumbling for many reasons. One reason is an imbalance. Imbalance happens when a small thing is out of its designed purpose and it can create a negative impact.

In the challenges of relationships, we are learning balance; growing together and walking agreed. Just as a proper balance will help the wear and tear on your vehicle’s tires, so will it help in your relationships. Marriage is the most important relationship in our lives outside of our walk with Christ. Anything of unity is a threat to the devil – he wars against it.

One of his missions is to divide and bring an imbalance to relationships. Solomon shows us the danger of an imbalance. In Proverbs 11:1:

“A false balance is an abomination of the Lord: but a just weight is his delight. When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.”

Balance shows order and symmetry. When things are operating in order, they build health and deepen intimacy. But when we put ourselves first, things go out of balance—quickly. We become more aware of taking for ourselves, rather than giving of ourselves.

Here are three ways to guard against imbalance in marriage:

Sex

This is a sacred act between husband and wife. Our world has cheapened this act and made it casual. Keeping ourselves for our spouse is a holy endeavor. As a marriage grows, so does our love for our spouse. Sex is an expression of love and as each spouse learns each other, and prefers the other above themselves. This is how passion is cultivated.

Personal connections forge romance and care for each other’s soul. Sex is more than just feelings and desires expressed, but a time to impart our soul. This intimate connection builds security and closeness. Sex, in a balanced way, guards your marriage.

A sexless marriage can suffer due to various reasons. There may be an abusive past experience which creates internal brokenness. Your spouse may think about sex as a dirty or selfish act. Often body image or health issues makes a spouse feel ugly and unwanted, lowering the libido drive.

How to move forward from here?

  • Talk about it with each other. Be patient.
  • Seek counseling to help create creative ways to help each other without placing demands upon one another.
  • Strengthen your image and self-worth by heeding to how Christ looks at you.
  • Take small steps to do what you can now to take care of yourself, your body, soul and spirit.

Comparing and competing with the world’s standard and with other couples will only lead to frustration. Find what works for you both to restore balance. Satan can take advantage of temptation, so each spouse must keep themselves accountable and humble before God in these seasons.

In-laws

Learning to have a balanced relationship with our in-laws keeps them from becoming outlaws (play the Wild West music, please.) We owe so much to our parents; we are who we are largely because of them. Often as their kids get married, the parents want to continue to vicariously live their lives through them and maintain control. This can be the source of a lot of conflicts; boundaries are what protect the marital mystery and the parental relationship.

Parents transition from parenting, to coaching as the child comes of age. When the child leaves the house and enters their marital covenant, the effective platform of encouragement becomes coaching and being available to offer advice in times of need. Coaching is when we share our view (without expectation of implementation) and let the outcome happen as it may. This empowers the husband and wife to lead and direct their marriage without someone imposing their perspective upon them.

Insecurity creates imbalance by overcompensation. The overreaching and interference often grow from the feeling of being replaced and “no longer needed”. This can be a strong projection and a lie. We take on an important new role of encouragement and support by coaching. Seeing the value in your roles protects the future of the relationship.

Money

Money is a good servant but a terrible master. When you look at someone’s spending patterns, you can see what their values are. Typically, there are spenders and savers. Friction can result when you’re not on the same page with your spouse. Especially when balancing the budget, communication and negotiation is needed to determine a single, unified direction as you build your future together. Frequent communication will help minimize fear and misunderstandings.

Often two thoughts will prevail in dealing with money. “Scarcity thinking” is driven by fear, where we find ourselves thinking we will never have enough. This results in holding on tightly to what we have now.

The second way of thinking is “abundant thinking”, where whatever little we have, we have chosen to be content with it. This thinking can infuse joy and perspective. It is healthy to be content but not satisfied.

Identify your primary pattern of thinking and initiate balance by planning on how and on what to spend your money. Often the more extreme one spouse gets, the other spouse finds a way to make their way happen.

Not perfect but being perfected

There is no perfectly balanced marriage; simply a life-long journey of constant adjustments. Ways to stay flexible to change is:

  • Pray together.
  • Purpose to revolve around healthy people that are an example of the kind of marriage you want to build.
  • As problems arise, resist the tendency to be problem-centric and blame each other.
  • Reassess your vision and remind each other of the big picture.
  • Compromise is normal as long as you’re walking agreed in the same direction.

Throughout your walk together, keep your eyes on the perfect example: Jesus. And always remember you both are on the same team!

 

Navigating Marriage

Jason Moore
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Navigating Marriage

After 23 years of marriage, it is still a mystery.

As my wife and I journey through life together, we learn about the power of the Lord and the weakness of ourselves. Anything valuable must be invested in, otherwise it devalues. Marriage is a personal investment. Like many of us, we want a “quick fix” to our problems; we just want to live “happily ever after.”

The truth is marriage is an onward, intentional journey of grace and truth; losses and gains teach us to know the Lord better.

Our concepts before marriage can be based on a fairy-tale image of each other, almost blind to each other’s imperfections and the troubles that lie ahead. As we step through the door of commitment, the blinders come off and we are confronted with the mystery of marriage.

Motivation to serve each other can often be driven by seeking fulfillment or what we believe we deserve. In Christ, the ultimate purpose in marriage is that we are both being conformed into the image of God. We become more and more like Christ toward each other, and as we serve each other, we grow together.

Identifying the stages of marriage

As the seasons change, so do we; being married to one, may feel like we married many different people. Life changes us. We are not who we use to be. Do things get better with age? Yes, they can if we build correctly.

Stages where we evolve are:

  • Honeymoon – All is bliss.
  • Building a life – Housing, career and mission. Adjustments and discoveries.
  • Kids – We realize how much we are like our parents. Our lives are not our own anymore. Sacrifice on new levels.
  • Grandkids – Enjoying the next generation. Spoil them, learning to be a good coach to your kids.
  • Senior living – Legacy-focused. Limitations and learning how to navigate healthcare.

Discovering each other in each of these stages will deepen your marriage and deepen your love. We learn flexibility, make mistakes and are reminded that love isn’t a feeling; it is a choice we make every day.

Changing marital dynamics

As time goes on, relationships can change. Fading or drifting away from passion can be swallowed up in the details of life. Neglecting each other in the little things can lead to disinterest and boredom. What brought wonder is now all too familiar. This can spread like a cancer in a relationship. Distractions of a busy life can make time fly and before you know, you may have lost months or even years.

Satan wants to circumvent and change the divine design of the man and women’s roles in the relationship. He loves to usurp one another’s roles by causing the man to stop leading and initiating and having the woman stop responding to her man in a healthy way. Selfishness is the enemy to intimacy; if it is all about ourselves, we will ultimately be alone in the marriage or we won’t have a marriage.

Some examples of an unhealthy relationship look like this:

  • Father-Daughter relationship. Control and instruction are prominent rather than sharing and learning from each other.
  • Mother-Son relationship. Can develop where the wife takes care of her husband and the husband is passive and lazy.
  • Dictator-Slave. “My way or the highway” attitude. They are a possession to use rather than an individual to be cherished.  
  • Roommate environment. May develop where the passion has died and now it is about keeping house and staying together for the kids.

There may be seasons where we experience one or more of these, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Keep working at it and the value will increase.

Get your marriage back

When talking about romance and “wooing” our spouse, often we are clueless. This journey is a step-by-step and moment-by-moment process. Often the complaint is “all he wants is sex” or “all she wants to do is talk”; these are just a few statements of many. It has been said that women will have sex to have a relationship where a man will have a relationship to have sex. The needs of each spouse are different, and we must start somewhere and realize that small things are big things.

We are all seeking meaningful connections; to be known and accepted. The dynamics of this process is in a place of vulnerability. To the measure we let people in is to the measure we will experience meaningful connections. This can be a scary place because we always want to show our “best side” and hide our flaws. But in a real, loving relationship, love ministers life in every condition.

How do we keep our marriage strong?

Intimacy grows the marriage. Intimacy is a beautiful closeness that is developed through intentional initiations of love. This accumulation has a return on investment.

Here are six areas in which to grow intimacy:

  • Emotional Intimacy– Sharing our soul with one another. Hear each other fears and success and learn to celebrate them together.
  • Physical Intimacy – Sharing our body with one another. Bless your spouse and your needs will be cared for.
  • Intellectual Intimacy – Sharing our mind with one another. Learn what interests your spouse has and learn to value them.
  • Recreational Intimacy – Sharing our activity with one another. Change the scenery to change the mood.
  • Social Intimacy – Sharing our social circles with one another. Identify healthy couples to invite over and widen your circle.
  • Spiritual Intimacy – Sharing our “spiritual heart” with one another. Fellowship and ask questions that stimulate spiritual dialogue. This intimacy is the engine to all others.

Starting small

Start small and identify what brings you together. This will build momentum. A good place of discovery is to ask yourselves, “What makes you and your spouse come alive?” Let that be your starting point. Find a starting point to date your spouse again. No spouse wants to tell the other how they should be loved; this is the mystery and the thrill of the chase!

When Life Seems Impossible

Jason Moore
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When Life Seems Impossible

There are impossible things in our lives. Weighty things that have been part of our landscape for a long time. Relationships, sickness, generational curses, strongholds…etc. Our initial reaction is to throw our hands up and say, “This will never change, he / she will never change! It will always be like this!” It doesn’t have to be…

How are things moved?

There are so many ideas on how to handle impossibilities; the formulas and strategies are endless, many resulting in empty promises. The one way that things change is through brokenness; this is the way to move through impossible scenarios. It is not the way we would naturally choose, but this broken road can move mountains. Jesus teaches us how to think and handle ourselves when things are stronger than us. This is demonstrated in Luke 20:18: “Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed.” We choose which scenario we will enter into: Jesus, you must move, or move me.

Solomon addresses this in Ecclesiastes 9:11: “I have observed something else under the sun. The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time.”

Where is this right place? In Exodus 33:22, the LORD said, “I will put you in the cleft of the rock…” Jesus will move you into the place of advantage.

I was hiking in Nevada and we came to a place called Red Rock. There were huge rocks that were awesome to climb but impossible to move in our own strength. As we climbed to the top of one boulder, there was a great view of the valley, and the other rocks appeared in proportion to the one we were standing on. Knowing our place creates perspective and context.

How do things move?

Often our first instinct is to run at the boulder and crash into it thinking we can push our way through. Frequently, we are the ones getting hurt, not the rock. The rock may move slightly or not at all. We can be like a bull in a china closet! There will always be collateral damage this way.

In a recent lesson with my son, I was sharing there are winners and losers in every game but, ultimately, we play with all of our heart and enjoy it, no matter the outcome. There will always be someone greater and stronger in our lives. It is healthy to know one’s limitations. This lesson is often learned through seasons of frustration and bouts of anger. No one likes obstructions and immovable things. We want to have smooth sailing!

Often things may not move, moving us toward God out of necessity rather than our convenience. To the rock-climber, the rock is not an enemy but an object to conqueror. The right equipment is crucial to the climb. There is respect for the challenge but the reward of the view and the journey moves him.

  • Rocks can move when there is a terrain change. Turbulence in our lives forces us to address foundational flaws. This exposure and instability can show the hidden insecurities and flaws that we want to surrender to the LORD. Until this happens, there is little that changes.
  • Rocks can be moved by how we speak and believe. This is demonstrated in Matthew 11:23: “I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.”
  • Rocks can be moved by dynamite; something greater can destroy them. Just as roads were carved out of mountains, God will “make a way” through. God may bring in other people to remove your boulders or show you how to exercise the faith to wait while others move them for you.

Impossible, Difficult, Done

No matter where you are today—whether looking at the impossibility, fearing the impossible, or overwhelmed by the unknown outcome—give heed to what a wise Chinese missionary, Hudson Taylor, said, “There are three stages to every great work of God; first it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done.”

Whatever is before you, choose to look at it as something that will make you, as it breaks you. Rest assured your DONE is coming!

The Wilderness Between Calling and Commissioning

Jason Moore
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The Wilderness Between Calling and Commissioning

You know this place; the calm before a storm, a moment before an action, an interruption of routine before the response—I want to call this the “in-between.”

This can be a difficult place to navigate and it can be much longer than a moment. It can be a season before the next season. How we think and respond will be a game-changer.

Many people of influence in the Bible went through their “in-between” season and it was characterized as a desert or wilderness experience. A few words to describe these times could be obscurity, darkness or when God is silent. Some got lost and wasted years and hardened their hearts. Others were broken and humbled and remade for the Master’s use.

The Call

As Christians, we are always on a journey where Jesus is increasing and we are decreasing. We may take a detour, but God is our faithful guide.

Our way is messy at times. There is no faultless track; we are learning Christ every day. Through our imperfections, we are learning unconditional love. The progressive way of the Call includes times in the wilderness and eventually what we learn in the valley is used in our ministry to others. What is happening now in your life is preparing you for the next season you will walk in. You are being equipped for victory and effectiveness.

Three aspects of the call:

    • High (Transcends us) – Phil 3:14 “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
    • Holy (Pure and with perfect oneness) – 2 Timothy 1:9 “Who hath saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began”
    • Heavenly (Beyond our understanding) – Hebrews 3:1 “therefore, holy brethren, partakers of the heavenly calling, consider the Apostle and High Priest of our confession, Christ Jesus”

Each believer has an eternal purpose. We are “called out ones” unto Jesus first and then His mission to know Him and make Him known. Often, we can be so focused on figuring out what God wants us to do that we get lost in a wilderness experience.

The Wilderness

The “in-between” place of the Calling and the commissioning is the wilderness. Moses spent 40 years in the backside of the desert and then he saw the burning bush. The confrontation of God’s glory was the next step of his training was beginning. Abraham spent 13 years of silence and the Lord spoke to him in Genesis 17:1-3 “walk before me blamelessly!” Elisha received his anointing as the mantle was given from Elijah; his great loss brought great promotion. God may remove things that are precious to add something we never imagined. He is bringing you deeper and closer to Himself.

The wilderness can be confusing and is often a place where God can be elusive. Our feelings can try to guide us and be our filter to what is God doing. At times, our feelings may be messengers of something deeper going on in our hearts. God wants our heart. This is the place of activity where we learn to feel and experience God. Job asked in 23:16 not to have his heart hardened because he didn’t want to miss the visitation of the Spirit. He wanted to remain soft and pliable and be stretched to receive more of God’s fullness.

Jesus submitted Himself in the reality of truth. Jesus was tempted in the wilderness in Matthew 4 but He walked in truth rather than feelings.

Here are a few things Jesus operated in

  • Received grace and truth
  • Quieted Himself
  • Humbled Himself before His Father
  • Focused on Father’s plan
  • Spoke the same things as the Father

It is easy to talk and complain about the environment in the wilderness, but be aware: our season in the wilderness will be extended until we learn the lessons that will equip us for the next season. Jesus was prepared for the garden of Gethsemane because He had gone through the wilderness and learned His Father’s heart (Hebrews 5:8.)

Through the wilderness the apostle Paul learned this confession and mindset. Per Philippians 3:8 “Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake, I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.”

The Commissioning

Moses asked the Lord to “show him His glory” in Exodus 33:18-22. He was put in the cleft of the rock and given a personal revelation of His glory. This was the catalyst for his ministry for the rest of his life.

God will bring us close to Him then lead us out in his power. The measure we grow deeper in intimacy is the measure we are sent out. Let God do the deep work in you and equip you so that, when the time comes to use you, all that is seen by others is Him. The psalmist didn’t want any glory for himself. In Psalms 115:1, he said: “Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness.”

Are you in the “in-between” season? This wilderness, desert or valley experience can produce so much fruit in our spiritual lives. God is always working and His plan is always unfolding. Jesus will lead you through to His desired haven (Psalms 107:30.)

Find His cloud by day and God’s fire by night. His presence will lead you through!

Understanding How Faith Works

Desemond Mbantoh
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Understanding How Faith Works

“I assure you that whoever tells this hill to get up and throw itself in the sea and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. For this reason, I tell you: when you pray and ask for something, believe that you have received it, and you will be given whatever you ask for.” (Mark 11:23-24, Good News Bible)

Faith is the Christian weapon or tool that makes the impossible possible. It changes situations and restores the joy and happiness of God’s children. Faith and belief are one in the kingdom of God. They are inseparable. They are all we need in order to walk in higher spiritual dimensions with Jesus Christ.

With faith in God, nothing is impossible, just as Jesus Christ mentioned in the Holy Scriptures. Jesus Christ conquered fear, doubt, death, and all satanic principalities on the cross. Through the message of the cross, we are given victory in Christ. And for sure, victory in Christ is victory indeed. God has given men and women tremendous power through the name of Jesus Christ. This power lays in the words that come out of our mouths. All we need in order to release this power is faith or belief in our hearts.

However, it is not only about faith but a strong and mature faith that works. A man or woman of strong faith can displace mountains and dry oceans with the words from his/her mouth. Perhaps you were not aware, but words when spoken in the name of Jesus Christ have power to change every situation for the best. You can verify this saying by reading from Genesis 1. It was with words that God created Heaven and Earth together with all we have today. We can also read this from John 1 which says that in the beginning, God spoke everything into existence through Jesus Christ.

Hence, all we need today is faith in order to speak things into existence through the Holy Name of Jesus Christ. Having said this, many people are asking themselves what is faith? Others desire to understand how faith works. We’ll start by saying that there is nothing magical about faith. As Christians, the Bible stands as our main guide and standard for life. Thus, it is through the Biblical light that we’ll handle the aspect of faith. Faith is simply the act of having complete confidence in God’s yet-unfulfilled promises. In other words, it is the certainty that God is who he says he is and he will certainly do all what he says he will do.

With faith, you can open all closed doors in your life. You can as well get things moving despite the attacks from the enemy. However, many of us hardly make it because we lack the necessary faith. We are unable to believe enough. But if we struggle to grow our faith to as big as a small mustard seed, we’ll receive whatever we ask from God. The main way to grow your faith is to obey and act on God’s word. That’s why you should start by studying God’s word and mastering it. Learn about the promises he has entitled for you. The scriptures say that God’s people perish because they lack knowledge. You can’t claim from God what you are ignorant of. Get to know who God says you are and stand on his words that never fail.

Worth noting is that men of faith do not walk by physical sight. Such men make use of their spiritual sight. You can be sure that your physical eyes will give you many reasons not to believe in God. Satan is out to use your physical situation to create doubt and fear within you. But remember that Christ has already worn the victory for us. That’s why you should refuse to live by physical sight and instead live on what God says you are.

The gap that separates you from your miracle can only be closed through faith. This applies for all sectors of life. Do not let your heart be troubled; God knows your needs. Just believe in him and he will make a way where there seems to be none. The world is full of people with great testimonies about the goodness of God in their lives. And for sure, you won’t be an exception. God will certainly give you so many reasons to honor and glorify his holy name on Earth as it is done in Heaven.

God is aware of your poverty, sickness, and sadness. You can be sure that he will not leave without blessing you. All that you need to do is to remain in his light while trusting his words. Do this while trusting God and you’ll live to testify His goodness in your life.

How to Evangelize: One Beggar to Another

Jason Moore
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How to Evangelize: One Beggar to Another

Sharing our faith can be frightening at times. Maybe we don’t think we have all the answers. Maybe we don’t want to be rejected. Whatever the reason that opposes us reaching out, think about what D.T. Niles shares: “Evangelism is like one beggar showing another beggar where the bread is.”

The reality is that we are all beggars with great needs that can only be met in Jesus. As we go in faith, we lead others to Jesus, the bread of life.

In 1 Samuel 2:8, we read, “He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s, and he hath set the world upon them.”

We were rescued from the curse of the dust and the unregenerate life and we are called to “lift” beggars from the dunghill and the trash heap! To lift someone off the heap gives the impression they can’t lift up themselves, either because they are too weak or they are ignorant about where they are!

To come close, under or alongside another is a personal ministry of love.

Here are some ways to lift up people:

  • Listen to their story. Seek to understand before trying to be understood.
  • Learn their story. Understanding context to what people are saying and feeling.
  • Love them with God’s story. Share clear messages from God’s heart.
  • Lead them beyond themselves. Encourage and empower them to walk in faith.

God’s love lifts them and puts them on a throne! We were meant to rule; not to be victims and subjects of the world.

Our Royal Position

We are no longer beggars, but sons and daughters. We have been translated out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of His dear Son (Colossians 1:13.) We see our need for God and this is a place of transformation.

Unfortunately, many don’t know they are beggars. They fill their lives with things; possessions that try to fill the void that only eternal things were made for. As we herald the good news, people hear an eternal reality.

The busyness of life crowds our minds from this simple reality: we are pilgrims and sojourners in this land. Our home is heavenward and the only thing we can take with us there is people.

Approaches to Evangelism

In our post-Christian world, the responses to hearing about Jesus vary. Some are glad to hear while others resist. It is not our responsibility to persuade the listener about what we are sharing but to present a clear picture of who Jesus is as the bread of life. He is the one that fills the hunger and quenches the thirst.

How we approach the person may be more remembered than what you say to them. Often, God pursues the person multiple ways and for long periods of times.

So, we are simply part of that marathon.

Three approaches to evangelism are:

  • Intellectual approach – Answering questions and debating.
  • Moral approach – Personal sharing and testimonies.
  • Spiritual approach – Explaining the Bible in a relevant way.

Each approach has their strengths, but before embracing one, it is wise to ask questions to see where the person is coming from and get a feeling for their receptivity. The tendency with any push-back is to go on the defensive and, in some cases, we shut the person down with our words. Remembering we may be one in a long line of pre-salvation ministry to the person, our mission is to present a clear picture of who Jesus is rather than try to persuade the person to believe.

As we lift up Jesus, He will draw all men unto Himself (John 12:32.)

What is your view of Jesus? Your personal understanding of Jesus will be a powerful and credible witness of Jesus to an unbeliever. Our story and history of how we came to Christ is a great tool for people to relate to you and your journey. We are presenting the heart of Jesus and the Holy Spirit is the one who persuades.

A personal revelation of who God is to you is a powerful witness to others.

Share the Good News

D.L. Moody once said, “Every Bible should be wrapped in shoe leather.” Many are sitting in darkness and the light of the Gospel is not there. Satan wants to shut our mouths so that we don’t share; he knows the Good News is the power unto salvation! People need to hear what God has put in your heart. There is a “Go” in Gospel!

There are many beggars today seeking for bread. Lead them to the table of grace!

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